Four Turn Offs

When I first started this post, I thought of this subject just in general terms. In some ways it is more than general. If you turn me off outside of the bedroom, you stand no chance of even having the door unlocked.

1. Being pushy. This is not quite as simple as it sounds. My time is precious. I spare as much as I can for those I care about but my time is very limited, between work, school and family matters. I don't often get a chance to just go run and be free these days and I don't expect that to change in the immediate future as I've got a few more years of school left ahead of me. I will give what I have but I also have to make sure to give time to my priorities. Sometimes that means spending less time with others than I'd wish. Pushing for time I don't feel I have is a good way to cause me to go away. Also, pushing me to make a decision and trying to get me to make it in whatever general direction you want me to go may backfire too. Give me the options, let me weigh them and don't get pissy when the best path I feel I should take doesn't lead in the direction you want for me. Trust that I will take all the advise and put in on that balance to make sure it weights out correctly. While I want to know that I am important to you, there is a line where, once crossed, it's not a good thing.

2. Not paying attention during play time. This is a big big big thing for me. If I'm noisy, that's a good bet I'm pretty happy with whatever it is you're doing. When I stop making noise, find out why. Is it too much and I'm just too in the zone to say something? It does happen that sometimes I may not realize it's getting to be too much but I stop making noise so that I can take whatever's going on. You shouldn't have to force ME to make noise. LOL. If I have to call yellow, that's not a good sign. Play time is a bit of a symbiotic thing for me. It's a give and take. If you don't take anything from me and all you're doing is giving, you may not notice the fluctuations and nuances of the dance. Even if I am making noise though, check in on me from time to time. Make sure everything is really green and then, presuming it is, KEEP GOING. *giggles*

3. No Aftercare. No matter what kind of play time I have, I need aftercare. If it's in person, wrap me up in a soft blanket, snuggle me, give me a glass of water. Sometimes just that time being around you will be enough. Depending on the length of play time, maybe even a bite of something to eat. If it's through the limitations of distance, sit with me for a bit afterwards until I'm back to myself again. That extra bit of time is huge in terms of how I feel the day and even the week afterwards.

4. Not paying attention to safety. Some of the things I enjoy, such as knife play, is not exactly safe. But there are precautions that can and should be taken. Even simple play (complex as it may be), like rope play, has serious things that can happen when precautions aren't paid attention to. If I see that you are playing with someone and you aren't doing what it takes to make the play as safe as possible while still having fun with it, don't expect to play with me. If I can tell I'm not going to feel safe playing with you, it's just not going to happen.