Every so often in life, I find the choices I made do not reflect the me I wish to be: healthy, strong, and full of life. Looking back at the past 18 months, I can safely say these choices have fallen out about 50/50. I can do better than this.
It was about that time that the "day job" I took as head of household began. As head of my house, I feel strongly that it is my obligation to make sure needs are met. At the time, this simply wasn't happening. I thought that a job which took place on my favorite shift would be a positive thing.
I did not count on walking into one of the most toxic work environments I have ever experienced. Even with trance help and medicine to assist with my biological issues, it simply will not do for me to work at that job any longer. I have stuck it out to ensure my family's needs get met, but it has drained me of energy I can ill afford to lose.
I have put on weight. For the weight itself, I could care less, but it is affecting my joints. (The rest of my health remains undamaged, for which I am grateful.) I have lost the time I needed to record.
More sadly, I have not had time or energy to connect with community. I miss that so very much.
It's time this turned around. New dawnings are important. At Samhain, I began to hunt for a new job. I have some promising leads. I am also typing this on my new iPad, a gift from a sweet obedient boy. (Yes, this makes me happy!) I have new ideas for the future of the Realm.
In the outer world, winter is beginning. In the Realm, crocuses and snowdrops are peeking through the whiteness. It's time for beginnings.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Sunday, June 17, 2012
A Lovely Evening
Last night, I gave a call to Squikitoi...between her schedule, my schedule, the schedules of our Significant Others, a minor but significant time difference, and my occasional retreats into paralyzing shyness, I don't get to call her nearly as much as I'd like. (And I hope she feels the same way.) But last night, things aligned well, and we were able to talk.
The conversation was fun and flirty, turning pretty rapidly into outright flirting (because for those of you who do not know, she is nummy and delicious.) I mentioned some of the ideas for her that Goddess had talked to me about, which met with approval, and I think I must have been giving off submissive vibes that were visible from half a continent away, because she decided to pounce me pretty hard.
It wasn't exactly that she hypnotized me per se. It was more that as the conversation became sexual, she started using words and phrases that Goddess uses all the time that I'm conditioned to think of as deepeners, anchors and the like. They weren't actual trance triggers, but they were things I usually hear while in trance. Combine that with a guided fantasy scenario (which requires you to engage the imagination in a way similar to hypnosis), my general tendency to get a bit trancy when I'm really into the moment, and my general submissive tendencies, and my mind was pretty soft and malleable even though the word "hypnosis" was never spoken.
And speaking of my general submissive tendencies, her words were feeding pretty powerfully into them...Lady Ru'etha has never had any sort of hierarchy among Her Chosen, but I am a male submissive who feels generally deferential to women, and Squikitoi is assertive, sexy and beautiful. It's something that she has (I strongly suspect) noticed, but has not played with...until last night, where my hindbrain basically went, "Ah. Yes. I submit to her, she submits to Goddess, we both submit to Goddess...**click** This makes perfect sense." I definitely think she's going to have an easy time asking me to fetch drinks for her the next time we're in realspace together.
And after what felt like a very good, enjoyable experience for both of us, she gave me a couple of not-named-as-such-but-they-totally-were post-hypnotic suggestions that would make it easier for me to sleep and feel her cuddled up to me as I slept. Which was somewhat amusing, as I actually had promised I'd get back up and tell Lady Ru'etha about it (because hello, what's the point of having pets play with each other if you don't get to hear the fun parts?) and I wound up feeling ever so slightly stoned for the rest of the night as my brain told me I was sleepy and warm and cuddled. But it was the good kind of slightly stoned.
It was a beautiful experience with a beautiful person, and I look forward to the next time we can call.
The conversation was fun and flirty, turning pretty rapidly into outright flirting (because for those of you who do not know, she is nummy and delicious.) I mentioned some of the ideas for her that Goddess had talked to me about, which met with approval, and I think I must have been giving off submissive vibes that were visible from half a continent away, because she decided to pounce me pretty hard.
It wasn't exactly that she hypnotized me per se. It was more that as the conversation became sexual, she started using words and phrases that Goddess uses all the time that I'm conditioned to think of as deepeners, anchors and the like. They weren't actual trance triggers, but they were things I usually hear while in trance. Combine that with a guided fantasy scenario (which requires you to engage the imagination in a way similar to hypnosis), my general tendency to get a bit trancy when I'm really into the moment, and my general submissive tendencies, and my mind was pretty soft and malleable even though the word "hypnosis" was never spoken.
And speaking of my general submissive tendencies, her words were feeding pretty powerfully into them...Lady Ru'etha has never had any sort of hierarchy among Her Chosen, but I am a male submissive who feels generally deferential to women, and Squikitoi is assertive, sexy and beautiful. It's something that she has (I strongly suspect) noticed, but has not played with...until last night, where my hindbrain basically went, "Ah. Yes. I submit to her, she submits to Goddess, we both submit to Goddess...**click** This makes perfect sense." I definitely think she's going to have an easy time asking me to fetch drinks for her the next time we're in realspace together.
And after what felt like a very good, enjoyable experience for both of us, she gave me a couple of not-named-as-such-but-they-totally-were post-hypnotic suggestions that would make it easier for me to sleep and feel her cuddled up to me as I slept. Which was somewhat amusing, as I actually had promised I'd get back up and tell Lady Ru'etha about it (because hello, what's the point of having pets play with each other if you don't get to hear the fun parts?) and I wound up feeling ever so slightly stoned for the rest of the night as my brain told me I was sleepy and warm and cuddled. But it was the good kind of slightly stoned.
It was a beautiful experience with a beautiful person, and I look forward to the next time we can call.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Tai Chi
As many of you may know, I recently started taking Tai Chi lessons. It is something that I've wanted to do for a long time and I finally decided to just do it and make the finances work around it. It is a decision that I am happy with thus far. The facility is clean and the employees are friendly. I have been made to feel like a member of the team from everyone and that is important. The teacher (herein referenced to as "Shifu") is an honest to goodness Shaolin fighting monk from China and is incredible. I have also been given the go ahead for volunteering in their front office and I'm excited by this prospect. Let's hope it turns out well!
I chose Tai Chi and Qi Gong (both are taught in this class) because it begins with becoming more aware of myself internally and deals with Chi/energy. Since I've started taking Tai Chi, I apparently sound "well fucked" after my lessons. This has been said by several people that don't even know each other and I have to admit it makes me giggle, but there is a truth in those words. After I've had a class/lesson, I feel more relaxed and centered. I feel calm and in some ways almost giddy. I consider this a very good thing. I just wish I had someone to go with me, that I could share this with.
There have been several times when Shifu has told us something in class regarding energy, about how it works and how we should gain control of it and allow it to flow properly throughout our bodies. Each time he does, it almost catches me by surprise because it reflects what I have felt to be true. The difference here is that I finally have an experienced teacher showing me HOW TO DO IT. This makes me so very happy. I know there is sooo much to learn and that I can't rush it. Doing this just FEELS right. It resonates through every bone and if I could, I'd go to every class that's offered.
For a long time, I have wavered, almost floating on a sea of religion, taking in one, rolling it around in my head and then discarding it because it didn't feel right or whatever the case was that would cause me to decide it wasn't a good fit. Here, I almost feel like I've got the beginnings of something that fits with how I feel internally that the world works. I may have to tweak it a bit to encompass other things but I'm only just beginning on this journey. I only know that had I closed this door before it had really been opened, I would always have wondered. At least now I can see it through and see where it takes me.
I chose Tai Chi and Qi Gong (both are taught in this class) because it begins with becoming more aware of myself internally and deals with Chi/energy. Since I've started taking Tai Chi, I apparently sound "well fucked" after my lessons. This has been said by several people that don't even know each other and I have to admit it makes me giggle, but there is a truth in those words. After I've had a class/lesson, I feel more relaxed and centered. I feel calm and in some ways almost giddy. I consider this a very good thing. I just wish I had someone to go with me, that I could share this with.
There have been several times when Shifu has told us something in class regarding energy, about how it works and how we should gain control of it and allow it to flow properly throughout our bodies. Each time he does, it almost catches me by surprise because it reflects what I have felt to be true. The difference here is that I finally have an experienced teacher showing me HOW TO DO IT. This makes me so very happy. I know there is sooo much to learn and that I can't rush it. Doing this just FEELS right. It resonates through every bone and if I could, I'd go to every class that's offered.
For a long time, I have wavered, almost floating on a sea of religion, taking in one, rolling it around in my head and then discarding it because it didn't feel right or whatever the case was that would cause me to decide it wasn't a good fit. Here, I almost feel like I've got the beginnings of something that fits with how I feel internally that the world works. I may have to tweak it a bit to encompass other things but I'm only just beginning on this journey. I only know that had I closed this door before it had really been opened, I would always have wondered. At least now I can see it through and see where it takes me.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
A "Things you SHOULDN'T say to a Hypnodomme" Post
Today's post is in regards to a random message conversation between M'Lady and someone who obviously has no clue as to what it takes to get play time with her.
Friday night she got the following series of IMs. I have added in my take of it (in parenthesis and color has been changed) for the amusement of those reading this blog entry.
Friday night she got the following series of IMs. I have added in my take of it (in parenthesis and color has been changed) for the amusement of those reading this blog entry.
(10:51:16 PM) Random Messenger: hi queen
(a good way to start off, but not necessarily the way M'Lady prefers to be addressed)(10:51:44 PM) ladyruetha: Can't really talk right now, sweetie... but went ahead and added. :)(10:52:14 PM) Random Messenger: why cant you talk?
(You don't ask why.. you just accept and move on. If she wants to explain she will.)(10:52:30 PM) ladyruetha: I'm a bit busy. :)(10:53:13 PM) Random Messenger: with phone sex calls eh?
(Umm.. Yeah.. because that's ALL she does)(10:53:56 PM) Random Messenger: i saw your profile on (Website Redacted).......(10:54:15 PM) Random Messenger: all women on there have their own websites, and most have "phone sex" listings with Niteflirt as well........thats why i ask
(I like how he lumped ALL WOMEN into the phone sex category. Not as if it isn't true she doesn't have a listing there, but it was awfully presumptuous of him to just assume this would be the case.)(11:00:46 PM) ladyruetha: Actually, not tonight... but perhaps soon.(11:01:13 PM) Random Messenger: well count me out
(11:01:27 PM) Random Messenger: i'm definitely not into paying 2 bucks a minute to talk to someone..lol
(Then why did he ask this question? >.>)
(11:01:28 PM) Random Messenger: no offense(11:06:31 PM) Random Messenger: but i would like very much to be hypnotized by you
(ok, so he goes from NOT wanting to pay for it to saying he wants her to hypnotize him. Mooch much?)(11:06:36 PM) Random Messenger: let me put my cam on for you..hang on(11:07:26 PM) ladyruetha: I don't use cam.(11:07:32 PM) ladyruetha: And I did say I'm busy?(11:10:23 PM) Random Messenger: well i'm sorry, but your going to need to get a cam,
(Excuse me? You're going to tell the hypnodomme that you DON'T want to pay but you still want to be hypnotized by that she's going to NEED a cam? Oh, and didn't she mention she's busy? O.o)
(11:10:32 PM) Random Messenger: and unfortunately, i must insist you ignore the other "loser" and talk to me
(This "loser" happens to be one of M'Lady's chosen. Not exactly a loser when you look at it from that perspective...)
(11:12:40 PM) ladyruetha: The other "loser" is in the room with me and giggling like a loon right now. Maybe he'll write someone like you into one of his stories.(11:13:55 PM) Random Messenger: well the only reason he is there, and i'm not........is because you dont "know me" :)
(At this point, is it incorrect of me to assume we don't want to "know him"?)(11:14:32 PM) Random Messenger: he is a pathetic loser, and i am twice the man he will ever be........furthermore, you would "pick" me over that pathetic worm of a man i guarentee.....its just that you dont "know me"
(I'm really not sure where the attitude came from but it really sounds like someone needs a spanking (and not of the "good" variety)... >.>)
(11:15:15 PM) Random Messenger: he is the lowest form of a weak, pathetic, helpless male i have ever come across........he is more pathetic than a puppy dog
(And this is the point where we start laughing hysterically at his very inaccurate portrayal of previously mentioned chosen.)(11:15:23 PM) ladyruetha: LOLOLOLOL -Do tell.(11:16:13 PM) Random Messenger: tell me, when you see him naked, do you "laugh" at how small of a penis he has? does it remind you of a "vienna sausage"?
(I really have to admit here that being from the South, I have often had vienna sausages with crackers and find them a nummy snack, but that's not the topic of this conversation. It was, however, immediately what I thought of upon reading this. Maybe he could have picked a better picture phrase? Not to mention, belittling anyone M'Lady has any dealings with, won't endear her to you whatsoever.)
(11:16:58 PM) ladyruetha: Hee. You are so very funny. I have to go, but do feel free to keep talking. I'll read it tomorrow.(11:18:29 PM) Random Messenger: ok sweety, talk to you then
(Where the conversation essentially ends.. Dorkus humongous, exhibit A.)
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