One Day At A Time

Sorry for being incognito again. Been feeling like roadkill, and I honestly have no clue what to write. Lady Ru'etha has given me a suggestion or two, but when I sit down to flesh them out, nothing happens. To say I hit a wall would be an understatement. It's more like the wall hits me.

Also, I feel like the least skilled of any of Her chosen. Jukebox is Her majordomo. He helps keep track of Her schedule, makes sure She's taking care of Herself, runs certain small errands for Her and whatnot. She and Copper share a love of teas, and She seems so happy to hear him geek about plane trivia and technical knowledge. Lyinar is Her warder, and has been with Her for a long time, even if he only got his collar a few years ago. The 3 guys all also have had time to acclimate themselves and I couldn't ever see Her parting with them. They obviously hold special places in Her family, both kink and vanilla. Twinklie is Her first biological female, and is a bouncing dynamo of cuteness and energy. Even when she's exhausted, she's still incredibly interesting. They can relate and sympathize over the random quirks of female bodies and shared experiences with kids and whatnot. She and I both met Lady Ru'etha at about the same time and we were collared at NEEHU together, and I see how well they mesh and it makes me smile.

Then there's me. Needy, random, bouncing around, still searching for my path and fighting to keep to it. Most of the time, I feel like the oddest one of the bunch. I don't hold any special skills that I can put to Her service. I get along well enough with everyone, but I often feel like a stray that was adopted. I know in my head She chose me and loves me just as She loves the others, but it's hard to reach through years of betrayals and wear and tear. She obviously cares for them, and I trust that She cares for me. I've seen it over and over in the last year and a half in particular as I've integrated into the family more. It's a daily choice though, and I'm still struggling to tell myself that it's worth it. Her love for them shows me that it is.